🧠 Weekly Reflections #10: Therapists are probably the best negotiators (2/5).

Hey Everyone –

Welcome to the 10th edition of the weekly reflections newsletter! I'm excited, glad, and thankful to be back after a week of focusing and committing myself to craft a pitch for the investment fund I'm part of - I was locked in 🔐!  It was an incredible experience, and I'll dive into how I ultimately won my pitch and share my takeaways (including how I applied starts from Never Split the Difference!) with you all in another edition.

Also, here's a moment from the book that I didn't include that week that I love:

That being said, let's get into it! 🫡

💎 Reflections from the Journal:

We're picking right off where we left off in last week's intro to Never Split the Difference (click here for a refresher on the takeaways so far + the book intro!).

I wanted to lock in on two key tactics that will help you become a more tactically empathetic negotiator:

1. Labeling
2. Accusation auditing

And by the way, tactical empathy means the following:  

That being said, let's dive into the two tactics:

🏷️ Labeling

What is it: Labeling is the practice of validating someone's emotions by acknowledging them.

Why do we use it: Deployed well, we, as negotiators, identify and then slowly alter the inner voices of our counterpart's consciousness to something more collaborative and trusting. That shift is key.

How do we use it:

1. Label your counterpart's fears or emotions. Start with "it seems like," "it sounds like," or "it looks like..."
2. Fill in the blanks with whatever your counterpart has communicated to you about how they are feeling in the situation they are in.
3. Pause. Let the label do its work. You might feel tempted to follow it up with a specific question, but remember that the power of the label is in inviting the other person to reveal themselves.  

Keep in mind that labels can also be used to both reinforce a good aspect of the negotiation and diffuse a negative one. Nonetheless, form and delivery is key.

🚨 Accusation auditing

What is it: Listing every terrible thing your counterpart could say about you.

Why do we use it: It prepares you to head off negative dynamics before they take root. Because accusations often sound exaggerated when said aloud, speaking them will encourage the other person to claim the opposite is true.

How do we use it:

1. Imagine you're working with a company that is unhappy with how you're executing something they asked you to do. Before meeting with them to discuss the situation, begin listing out all the different accusations they could make against you.
2. Lead with those accusations with that meeting arrives and add in open-ended questions ("What else is there you feel is important to add here?") to understand the bigger picture of the problem and emphasize your acknowledgment.
3. Use labels also to uncover and identify the primary emotion in your counterpart's behavior. If you say something that the company you're working with seemingly doesn't like in the meeting, use labels to dive deeper into their response to find common ground.

💭 More reflections from the journal:

A huge music festival went down in AU a week back with a bunch of activities in it, and I had the chance to meet an artist who would draw you while conversing with you and include parts of the conversation in the drawing. I'll let you guys guess how our conversation went 💭.  

🎙️ Favorite podcast moment of the week:

❤️ Quote of the week:

That's all I got for today. Love you guys, and see you next week!

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