🧠 Weekly Reflections #11: No > Yes (3/5).

Hey Everyone –

Welcome to the 11th edition of the weekly reflections newsletter! Status update:

You: "WR on a Tuesday? 👀"

Finals: "You know it! 🎉"

Finals had a say over how the weekend went, to say the least. Back to our regularly scheduled programming this Sunday as we wrap up the semester!

That being said, let's get into it! 🫡

💎 Reflections from the Journal:

Before we dive into this week's content, here is a TL;DR of last week's post:

• Labeling validates someone's emotions by acknowledging them and promotes collaboration and trust by using key phrases like "it seems like..." or "it sounds like..." and filling in the blanks with your counterpart's emotion or feeling.
• Accusation auditing lists every terrible thing your counterpart could say about you to head off negative dynamics before they take root by making it yourself first and using opened ended questions ("What else is there you feel is important to add here?") to understand the bigger picture and emphasize your acknowledgment.  

🙅‍♂️ "No" doesn't end the negotiation. It starts it.

You read that right. When someone tells you no in negotiation, what they really are communicating to you is their need to feel safe, secure, and in control. "No" can really mean any of the following:

• I am not yet ready to agree
• I do not understand
• I want something else
• I need more information

And the list goes on! Just like there are different layers to "no," they are three kinds of "yes" too:

• 🥸 The Counterfeit "Yes": When your counterpart plans on saying "no" but either says "yes" is an easier escape route or just wants to disingenuously keep the conversation going to obtain more information or some other kind of edge.
• 🤨 The Confirmation "Yes": The generally innocent and reflexive response to a black or white question. It’s sometimes used to lay a trap, but mostly it’s just simple affirmation with no promise of action.
• 🤝 The Commitment "Yes": The real deal. It's a true agreement that leads to action.

Honestly, just observe how others respond to offers or requests you make to them and see how these different types of "yes" come to play. You'll start to see each one come into action eventually.

Once you've realized that getting to "no" is the first step to opening your counterpart to the rest of the negotiation, here's an example of a way you can deploy this principle in the context of needing someone else's time:

• Before: "Do you have a few minutes to talk?"
• After: "Is now a bad time to talk?"

It's subtle changes like that which make your counterpart less defensive, wary, and skittish.

💭 More reflections from the journal:

Here's a rule that has saved me time and energy recently: The Rule of 2 ⚡

Here is how it works (and shout out to Lasse for the tip!):

"If something takes less than 2 minutes to complete, do it right away. From writing an email to paying a bill, get it done. Most tasks aren’t difficult, but they become stressful if you keep pushing them."

🎙️ Favorite podcast moment of the week:

❤️ Quote of the week:

That's all I got for today. Love you guys, and see you next week!

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